I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like my relationships are so complicated. Most of the time, we overthink things instead of talking them through. Gary Chapman wrote the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts”. This book could change your relationships for the better and I hope it does. You can take a quick quiz to give you an idea of what your preferred love language is. Now, I don’t want you to think that I am minimalizing what love is and the hard work and commitment it takes, but this is a great place to start a very important conversation.
We hate to admit it, but men and woman are very different. We communicate differently, we process things differently and we perceive things differently and that is okay. Being in healthy relationships takes patience, understanding and the desire to constantly improve ourselves. This applies to all relationships in your life including the parent-child relationship.
The great thing about Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is that you CAN use his ideas and techniques in ALL your relationships: Romantic, Family, Friendships and Workplace! Check out his website to get started now. What type of relationship would you like to strengthen? https://5lovelanguages.com/start.
Of course we each like/use all 5 love languages, but we do have a preference. I found out that mine is physical touch. Consequently, I love to talk close to people, give out hugs and even touch a shoulder. In my work place I do have to remember that not everyone likes to be “touched”, so sometimes I must hold back and remember to respect others’ space and ask permission. In my romantic relationship, I know that I need to ask for back/foot rubs, or hugs or cuddling. I can’t expect my partner to read my mind! The same goes with work relationships and parental relationships. The better we can understand each other’s needs and wants, the smoother and less complicated our relationships will be.
The other great thing about what Gary Chapman has given us is Apology Language, Anger Assessment, and Appreciation Language. I challenge you to try these quizzes at https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes. So, I just realized that I have not yet told you what the 5 love languages are, so here you go. The 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
According to Carol Bruess, PhD, a relationship researcher, from ideas.ted.com, “No matter your situation — whether you’re living alone, spending 24/7 with a partner or roommates, living with adult kids or steering younger kids through virtual school — the five love languages are a highly effective set of tools to have in your relational toolkit. When we know what another person’s love language is, we can choose the gestures that will most resonate with our partner, friend, parent, or child. And when we know which actions speak to us and make us feel loved, we can ask other people for exactly what we need. …it’s easy to figure out yours and what your loved ones are by looking at what lights them up, what presents they give you (since many of us bestow on others what we would most like), and what their perfect day would look and feel like.”
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, according to Sherri Gordon from verywellmind.com, this process to explore your love languages should “Promote Selflessness: When you are committed to learning someone else’s love language, you are focused on their needs rather than your own. This is the central premise of Chapman’s theory. Couples should work to learn their partner’s love language rather than trying to convince their partner to learn theirs. Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other.”
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