Remember when we all used to get personal emails? You know — emails from friends and family just to chat, send messages, announcements, etc.
Now — there’s not a single email in my in-box from someone I know. Emails from Pinterest, Best Buy, gaming websites I visit, this annoying site called “MyLife” that I visited once literally a decade ago and I can’t get them to stop sending me “status updates” to the point I’m thinking of destroying every electronic device I own and going off the grid.
Can’t do that, though. How would I access my Steam and GOG accounts?
(Yes, I get it. Everyone moved to social media for their communicating. Or just use texting.)
My work email is slightly worse. At least my home email isn’t inundated with press releases.
Now, most press releases are valuable. I do work for a newspaper, and press releases can lead to good stories and important news.
This does not include the emails from, say, Congressman Chris Van Hollen, whose office sends me increasingly deranged-sounding emails asking for money.
First of all, members of the media shouldn’t be contributing to politicians. Even if I could, I wouldn’t be sending money to Van Holland.
“Progressive Maryland” isn’t getting any support from me, either; no showing support for political causes. Plus, I find them annoying.
But then there are the truly bizarre gems.
Case in Point: “Bidet Toilet company announces bid for naming rights to Buffalo Bills stadium.”
It seems the company whose name was on the Bills stadium has asked out. And a company called “TUSHY” — a provider of bidet attachments for traditional toilets — has offered a bid of $12.5 million for naming rights to the Bills’ stadium: “TUSHY Stadium.”
Surreal, but not the part of the press release which caught my interest.
If TUSHY were to have its bid accepted, it states it will work to bring a college bowl game to the stadium and host “the first-ever ‘Toilet Bowl’.”
Nice try, folks. But it wouldn’t be the “first-ever” Toilet Bowl. That honor belongs here in southeast Baltimore County.
Since the early 2000’s or so, there has been a “Toilet Bowl” played held here, pitting teams from Dundalk against teams from Essex. The community which loses the game has to take ownership of the Back River Sewage Treatment Plant for the next year.
Which is technically owned by Baltimore City and thus belongs to the city, but let’s not quibble.
The important thing is, if TUSHY wants to host a “Toilet Bowl,” it can pony up another couple million to buy the name from us.
I figure we distribute the money between all the recreation councils in Dundalk and Essex, as well as the athletic departments at all six local high schools.
Okay, seven — we’ll throw some of the money Mount Carmel’s way.
I’d advise TUSHY to get in touch with me as soon as possible to start negotiations for the name. The price for “Toilet Bowl” is only going to get higher.
(Sure, in this vast country of ours, it’s entirely possible some other community has been holding an annual “Toilet Bowl” for some reason or another. But I seized this opportunity first.)